Chapter 13: Hot and Wet

A Little Background

One thing you learn quickly about Yellowstone (and the American West in general) is that things are pretty far apart.

Yellowstone Park itself forms a rectangle approximately 60 miles tall by 55 miles wide. It encompasses more than 3,400 square miles, four-and-a-half times more area than all of Allegheny County. If superimposed on my native stomping grounds of Western Pennsylvania, Yellowstone would cover an area up past Butler to the north and down below Connellsville to the south, and would range from Burgettstown to the west past Greensburg to the east.

Artist's rendition, superimposing key attractions from Yellowstone onto Western PA.
The whole rectangle represents the approximate size of Yellowstone.
The area in a pinkish-hue is Allegheny County.

Remember how exited I was on Friday to reach the park entrance, only to realize I still had an hour to get to our campground? That was equivalent to crossing into PA from WV on I-79 and realizing I still had an hour before I got to the airport.

We've already explored the three closest large attractions to our campsite: Old Faithful, Norris Basin, and the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Today will take us to the next closest: Fishing Village and the Hayden Valley.

9:30a. The Grand Prismatic Spring

Our trip takes us past the Grand Prismatic Spring, a notably large and colorful hot spring. A hot and sulfuric wind blows constantly across the raised boardwalk as we take in the sights. The novelty this time, however, isn't the sulfuric smell (it's not nearly as strong as in the Norris Basin), but the strength and ceaseless nature of the wind. All of us have to remove our hats during the entire visit, or risk having them blown off our heads and down into the boiling water below, where they would join the mass of dozens of hats, umbrellas, sunglasses, brochures and other detritus that have suffered such a fate.

Luckily, we keep our hats and sunglasses safe and enjoy a few moments taking in the unique display of colors (and smells).

The run-off from the Grand Prismatic Spring flows into the adjacent river

4:00p. The Shore of Yellowstone Lake.

After some more driving and stops at Visitor Centers and general stores, we've found ourselves at a somewhat secluded beach along the shore of Lake Yellowstone. The Musial boys take full advantage, and we spend several hours splashing in the lake, tossing Frisbees, building sand castles, and just generally hanging out. It's a very nice, low-key way to spend the afternoon. The only downside is: at some point, my wife's camera stops working. Using the internet to diagnosis the error message we're receiving, it's clear that it's not something I can fix -- at least not in in a national park. Regardless, we got some great pictures and had a really nice afternoon.

The Musial boys take to the lake.

With mountains rising in the distance, a few boys re-enact the famous scene from Chariots of Fire

Dad shows off his Frisbee-tossing form

The oldest boy stretches to make the catch

Sandcastles up front, Frisbee in the rear

6:00p. Hayden Valley

We've stopped in a parking lot overlooking the Hayden Valley. According to the rangers and the guidebooks, this is a great spot to watch herds of migrating animals, including Bison, Elk, and even (sometimes) wolves. We hang out for thirty minutes or so, but don't really see anything except for a half-dozen elk fording a stream a few miles away. Disappointing from a wildlife-spotting perspective, but an impressive view nonetheless.

A great view, unfortunately devoid of wildlife :-(

8:00p. Madison Campsite

We come back to the campsite to find that the relentless buffeting of the mountain winds have ripped a tear in the corner of my tarp. While still functional, the assembly no longer has the elegance it once had. Thank you, tarp-contraption, for the time you spent with us at this campsite.

This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you
--Don McLean

Chapter 12: Pride

8:00a. Madison Campground. The Morning After The Storm

So the storm last night was a much bigger deal than I thought. The Musial family made it through OK: our main tent had no issues and the teenagers' tent had just a little bit of water leakage.

Many of the other campers around us, though, had it far worse. Nearly every campsite is hanging up wet sleeping bags and/or collecting equipment that has been blown to another part of the campground.

However, I did find one spot on the premises that is perfectly dry and was unaffected by the storm:

THE TABLE UNDERNEATH MY TARP CONTRAPTION, YO!

<Drops mic, does crotch-chop, exits campsite >

Chapter 11: The Ups and Downs of Yellowstone

9:30a. The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. The "Brink" above the Lower Falls

Today's goal is to do some hiking around the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.

First, we stopped by the visitor's center for advice. They recommended we start off on the south rim of the canyon, but I took a wrong turn and we ended up on the north rim. No big deal. We found some trails along the ridge (where our boys were able to start checking-off requirements for their Junior Ranger badges), then decided to follow some switchbacks down to this overlook.

Who knew that paperwork could make a wilderness vacation even more fun?

600 feet? That's only like two football fields, right?

We are situated right above the drop-off of the Lower Falls, and it's a beautiful day to just chill and relax and let the roar of the unending torrent of water take your mind off all the day-to-day worries that modern life throws at you.



Also, we saw a marmot gallivanting along the riverside, which is cool.

A marmot.

My only trepidation is that now we have to go back UP the switchbacks to get to the van. I'm a little nervous about how that is going to go.

11:00a. Parking Lot on the North Ridge of the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. One million tiny and excruciating steps later.

Oh my god am I out of shape. That took forever. All I want to do now is sleep for six days.

11:30a. Artist's Point. The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.

I followed the directions better this time and made it to the south rim of the canyon. We drove down to the parking lot near "Artist's Point," a promontory where we can look back at the falls we visited earlier. Across the canyon, we can see the tracks where wildlife (Mountain Goats? Wolves?) has been traversing the steep cliffs. We take a few pictures then plan one more stop here at the Grand Canyon.

The view of the Lower Falls from Artist's Point

The four-year-old takes in the view

12:30p. Uncle Tom's Trailhead. The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.

Barely an hour ago, I was huffing and puffing up the trail from the Lower Falls. Now we are standing before a sign that says (if I can paraphrase): "Following this trail is hard and you probably can't do it, you fat old man."

"Take your time, enjoy the scenery, and rest often" is my new life motto.

My older kids really want to take the trail down to another overlook, though. So I offer to stay up top with the four-year-old while the fit members of our family take the trail.

But then the FOUR-YEAR-OLD basically calls me a big loser and says HE is heading down the trail too and wants nothing to do with my lame excuses.

So here we go. The sign warned us.

Just a few dozen of the 328 steps down Uncle Tom's trail

1:15p. Terminus of Uncle Tom's trail

This is a cool place to be -- just across from the lower falls. From this angle, a rainbow arcs across the mist of the waterfall. But I need to point out that coming DOWN this trail was almost as hard as it was going UP the previous trail. The final portion of the trail is a 328-step metal staircase that has plenty of open spaces for a four-year-old to fall through. As we came down the stairs, my wife held the baby's arm in such a tight grip that he has red mark.

A few of the boys take in the view from the bottom of Uncle Tom's trail

Now we have to go back up. I estimate it will take seven hours.

2:30p. Parking Lot above Uncle Tom's Trail.

We made it. We took our time, resting frequently.

Old and young alike needed to take some breaks during the trip up Uncle Tom's Trail.

The effort took something out of us. We've now reached a level of crabbiness that we had previously avoided on this trip so far. But we are off to get something to eat and that should cheer everybody up.

8:00p. Old Faithful

After the miles yards of vertical hiking today, my wife and I figured we were done with sightseeing. But a couple of meals and a low-key afternoon left the family with some energy and a few more hours of daylight. So we jumped back into the van and made our way down to Old Faithful.

It was a good choice. We could have used a little while longer to explore the Visitor's center before it closed, but getting here late on a Sunday meant that we avoided the crowds and the heat. We spent a bit of time wandering through the Old Faithful Inn, then settled in on a bench to await the eruption of Old Faithful.



As a spectacle, Old Faithful is not outrageously impressive. (Although you can hear me saying "Whoa!" in the video above.) But as a geological phenomenon, it's pretty cool. The neatest part might have been the flow of boiling water that streamed down from the geyser to within a few feet of the viewing platform.

Nevertheless, another Vacation Achievement unlocked.

11:00p. Madison Campground

As we drove back from Old Faithful ninety minutes ago, we could see some dark clouds forming on the horizon. And indeed, as we reached camp and prepared for bed, all the signs of an impending windstorm were in full force.

We prepped for bed and hit the tents, and not ten minutes later a severe downpour began lashing the campground. A minute or two later, the teenagers appeared at the door of the main tent. Water was leaking into their tent and they needed a place to stay. So for the second time in three nights, all eight of us are sharing a tent.

The downpour was heavy and the winds were strong, but it only lasted about thirty minutes. Somehow, this tent I bought at Costco six years ago for backyard camping made it through unscathed. We all settle in for a much deserved rest.

Chapter 10: The Sights, Sounds, and Smells of Yellowstone

12:30pm. Driving through Yellowstone

We're heading to the visitor's center and we see our first bison!

It's just a lone bison dude hanging out on the side of the road -- but he's only like 10 feet from the road and it's cool as anything!

1:00p. Canyon Village

We've finally made it to the centerpiece of our trip: the majestic vistas of Yellowstone Park! And what's our first stop in this land of wonder?

The laundromat.

As much as we'd like to start seeing the sites, we need some clean underwear.

Plus, the laundry facilities also have showers, so we all have a chance to clean the dust and dirt from the Rocky Mountains out of all the nooks and crannies.

The regular vacation will resume shortly.

3:00pm. Norris Basin. Yellowstone Park

One thing you learn when you visit Yellowstone Park is that much of the park is set within the caldera of a massive volcano. The park's geothermal features -- hot springs, geysers, and so forth -- are just manifestations of the boiling, dangerous gasses lurking just beneath the surface.

After a quick stop at the visitor's center in Canyon Village, we've decided that our first touristy event will be a trip to Norris Basin, which has a hiking loop that takes you past dozens of geothermal features.

When you read about Norris Basin (or any of the geothermal sites at Yellowstone), you might come across a note that says "these features may give off a slight odor of sulfur."

Here's what they mean by "a slight odor of sulfur." Imagine that someone left a bag of rotten eggs in the sun for a week and then you stuck your head in the bag and then someone tied the bag tight around your throat and all you could breathe was rotten eggs. That's kind of what the Norris Basin is like.

At least one of my boys agrees with me.

And it's a shame because it's a fascinating and astonishing site -- steam rising up from holes in the ground, clear but colorful pools of boiling water, cracks and fissures emitting slowly-accumulating mounds of minerals. But it's nearly impossible to breathe and I hate vomiting on vacation. So after we make our way through one loop of the trail, I head back to the parking lot where the air is only faintly egg-like. The rest of the family explores the second loop of the trail.

I only lasted one loop 

My boy checks out Steamboat Geyser 

The eerie landscape of the Norris Basin

I really hope the rest of our time in Yellowstone smells better.

[Editor's note: And if Norris Basin wasn't freaky enough, apparently one wrong step can lead to your body dissolving in a boiling spring.]

8:00p. Madison Campground. Yellowstone Park

We're all still a little beat down from our long drive yesterday, so we came back to the campground after visiting Norris Basin for some low-key hanging out and dinner. Having clean water and a dishwashing station nearby makes everything super easy.

One other thing to mention: today the kids learned about the Junior Ranger program. Apparently, if a kid does a certain set of activities within a national park, they are eligible for badges and other cool "Junior Ranger" swag. My kids are FIRED UP about this concept. Our only regret is that we didn't do the program back in Rocky Mountain National Park.

So that's it. Day One of Yellowstone is in the books. Mark it as a success.

Chapter 9: A Cup of Coffee and an Accomplishment

8:00a. Madison Campground. Yellowstone

Because of the size of our family, we've reserved two adjoining campsites. We've set up the larger tent on one campsite, and this morning my wife and I are up early, so we set up the stove and grill at the other campsite and make some breakfast while the kids sleep.

Enjoying a quiet breakfast with my wife, in the crisp morning air of Yellowstone, is maybe the nicest part of the trip for me so far.

After breakfast, the kids are still asleep. So my wife and I set up the second tent and start moving all of the foodstuffs into the bear box that sits at the back of the campsite.

Unlike our campsite in Colorado, this one is LOADED with convenient access to everything we need. A water pump sits literally one foot away from the edge of our site. And a clean rest station with running water, flushing toilets, and a dishwashing station is only 25 yards away.

There's only one downside. The picnic table at the campsite is built directly onto concrete posts sunk into the ground. It's completely immovable, and the sun is beating down on it in a quite unpleasant fashion. This is a problem that needs to be solved.

I survey the equipment we've brought. You might remember that I snagged a deal on five 6' x 8' tarps on the eve of the vacation. I also happened to throw every piece of rope, twine, and bungee cord that I own into the van. You know, just in case.

So I fasten three 6' x 8' tarps together to make a single 8' x 18' super-tarp. Then I run a long piece of rope between two trees, forming a kind of ridge-line that goes across the top of the picnic table. Finally, I toss the super-tarp over the ridgeline, then run guy-lines from the corners to four additional trees. I spend some time going back-and-forth and making adjustments and really honing my ability to tie a taut-line-hitch. But in the end, I have a super-sweet shade tarp centered perfectly over the table.

I have to tell you, I am unbelievably proud of this accomplishment. As of this moment, nothing I ever have done has given me as much satisfaction as this tarp contraption. And if you think I'm exaggerating, take a look at some of the dozens of photos I took of it. I have more photos of this tarp than I have of my wedding.

Chapter 8: A Race Against the Sun

7:45a. Moraine Campground. Rocky Mountain National Park

Today we are driving from Rocky Mountain National Park to the Madison Campground in Yellowstone Park. It's over 500 miles, and Google Maps says it should take about 10 hours of travel time.

I have one goal today, and that it to be at our campground BEFORE DARK. The last thing I want to do after a long day on the road is set up tents in the dark. But we're getting out of here pretty early, and it doesn't really get dark until 9:30, giving us almost 14 hours to play with. I feel relatively good about our chances.

8:15a. Sheep Meadow.

Sheep Meadow is NOT on our way. But the rangers said that Big Horned Sheep like to visit at this time of day, and we would REALLY like to see some sheep, so we figured we'd add 30 minutes to our journey and swing by the meadow.

Unfortunately: no luck. I don't know if the sheep have a work-from-home schedule on Fridays or what, but the meadow is conspicuously empty of sheep. We loaf here for 10 minutes to give them a shot, but then it's time to go. I still feel pretty good about our chances of making it to our campsite before dark.

8:30a. Estes Park.

I had hoped to drive-through the Estes Park McDonalds and grab a coffee, but the drive-through line is twenty cars deep. I don't have time for that. I say to my wife, "Let's just get on the road and go to the next fast-food place. There's always one just around the corner."

10:30a. Fort Collins, CO.

We didn't pass another fast-food restaurant for two hours.

As soon as you leave Estes Park on Route 34, you find yourself in Big Thompson Canyon. The key features of this canyon are steep sloping mountain walls, a beautiful river, an engineering marvel of a roadway, and ABSOLUTELY NO PLACE TO GET A COFFEE. Not even a Sheetz!

Eventually, we found ourselves in Fort Collins, where a quick stop at Burger King provided me with the caffeine I needed for our journey north.

1:30p. Rawlins, WY.

Lunch time. I dropped the family off at McDonalds while I gassed up the van.

Rejoining them at McDonalds, I ordered a small coffee to keep the caffeine levels up. The cashier rang me up: "Eighty cents, please."

"That's a surprisingly small amount for a cup of coffee," I thought, handing her a dollar. She handed me my change and the receipt. I looked at receipt and noticed that she had GIVEN ME THE SENIOR DISCOUNT WITHOUT EVEN ASKING MY AGE. Apparently three nights of camping has aged me terribly. For crying out loud.

Does this look like the face of a man
who has earned a Senior Coffee?

1:45p. In the Big White Van making decisions. Rawlins, WY

Google Maps is telling me that driving north on 287 will get us to our campground around 7:00p, giving us plenty of time to set up camp while the sun is still shining.

HOWEVER -- we could also choose to go west on I-80, then take 191 into Yellowstone. This will also take us through Grand Tetons National Park, which has been highly recommended by everyone who has ever seen it. The downside: this will add at least an hour, and maybe two, to our journey.

I think you can see where this is going. We head west on I-80.

4:00p. Somewhere in Wyoming

Here's something I knew about Wyoming: that many roads have speed limits of 75 or 80mph.

Here's something I didn't know about Wyoming: some of these roads are not divided highways, but just simple two-lane roads. In other words, much of this drive features tractor trailers barrelling straight in my direction at 80mph, with nothing preventing a head-on collision except a painted yellow line on the road.

I knew this vacation would be an exciting adventure, but I had no idea how much of the excitement (read: anxiety) would come during the on-the-road portions of the trip.

7:00p. Jackson Hole

Our new route has taken us through the towns of Jackson and Jackson Hole. It looks like Happy Hour is in full effect in Jackson Hole. We drive through the town square, where the bars and restaurants are overflowing with people. A party-vibe is in the air. It takes all of my concentration to keep the van moving through town and not stop and order some pitchers. I make a mental note that if I ever become a rich West-coast businessman, I'm planning a vacation to Jackson Hole. In the meantime, I keep the van moving. There's still a shot we can make it to our campsite before dark.

8:00p. Grand Tetons National Park

Everyone was right. Grand Teton Nation Park is beautiful. We aren't doing anything more than driving through, but it's a majestic and amazing sight.

At one point, someone in the van thought they had spotted a moose hundreds of yards away in a field. We pull over to the side of the road and try to use our binoculars and zoom lenses to confirm it's a moose. When all is said and done, we've wasted 45 minutes not looking at a moose.

A rare photograph of the elusive matriarch

A Grand Teton?

This is not a moose

The teenagers checking out the Tetons

More Tetons 

Why is everything on this trip so dangerous?

9:00. South Entrance to Yellowstone Park

We've made it! We are in Yellowstone Park! It's 9:00pm and still a decent amount of sunlight! Now all we have to do is make it to our campsite. It can't be that much further.

Or, it could be 55 more miles

10:00. Madison Campsite. Yellowstone Park

So apparently Yellowstone Park is enormous. It takes almost an hour to get from the south entrance to our campsite.

We are now setting up our tent in the dark. The family at the next campsite is literally pointing at us and laughing.

11:00p. Madison Campsite. Yellowstone Park

We got the larger tent set up. It's going to be too much aggravation to set up two tents, so all eight of us squeeze into one.

We saw some amazing scenery today, along with a cool-looking party town for rich people, and even an elk masquerading as a moose. I got twenty cents off a cup of coffee. And despite the annoyance of setting up camp in the dark, I'm excited that we've made it to the centerpiece of our trip: Yellowstone. Eager to see what the next five days will bring.

Travel Summary

• States Visited: CO, WY
• Miles Traveled today: 611.8
• Total Miles traveled: 2,419.4
• Travel Time today: 15 hours