Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Prologue: Cast of Characters

I thought it would fun and maybe entertaining to keep a diary of my family’s 2016 summer vacation.

For reference: here are the main characters:

  • Me
    I’m a generic, forty-something, pudgy, pasty-white dad. Just picture an amalgamation of all of the dads in CBS sitcoms for the last three decades and you’ll be pretty close. I have a middle-management office job in a corporation, but I also spend some time writing and performing comedy and generally think that I can be funny. (This may or may not be true.) This diary -- if I finish it -- will be the longest thing I’ve written in years.
  • My wife
    My wife is amazing, but she doesn’t like being talked about in public. Just picture the most awesome person you know and you’ll be pretty close.
  • The 18-year-old
    My oldest son just graduated high school and is headed to college in the fall. We started planning this trip last summer when we realized that this might be the final summer that all of my kids live at home. (It probably won’t be, but you never know.)
  • The 16-year-old
    My second son shares a room with his older brother. We usually refer to these first two boys as ‘the teenagers’ (even though boy #3 is technically a teenager too) and often ask them to get things down from high shelves because they are both taller than me.
  • The 13-year-old, the 10-year-old, and the 8-year-old
    These three guys share a bedroom and are often referred to as “the middle kids.” Don’t read anything into the fact that I didn’t even give them their own bullet points.
  • The baby
    “The baby” is four (almost five). Think of all the stereotypes you know about “the baby in the family” and you’ll be pretty close.
  • The Big Family Van
    The big family van is a plain-white Ford E-350 12-passenger van. It’s great for moving people around but is actually pretty short on storage space. We bought a cargo rack to put on the back and we’re still going to be jammed tight with people and gear. Just picture a typical Church Van loaded up for a mission trip and you’ll be EXACTLY RIGHT.
Me and the Big Family Van in better times